A new season | entre pairos y derivas

Really enjoying Spotify’s Daily Mix feature as it has different mix for all my favourite genres and every song that comes up is a Mishell classic. Right now I have the latino playlist going and Lamento Boliviano is gracing my ears. Y YO ESTOY AQUI, BORRACHO Y LOOCOOOO. Ja. Tengo muy buenas memorias con esta canción. Inevitablemente esos dias que lloro por un corazón roto resulta ser porque mi corazón lleva a mi mente a ese amargo sitio donde entendí por primera vez lo que es una promesa no cumplida. Now Andres Calamaro’s Te quiero igual is playing. ¡Clásicos! Orejas de Van Gogh… y otros mas…

I’m not gonna lie, the last few days have been rough. Very big questions have been thrust upon me as if they were God’s judgments and I have not been able to ignore them much less brush them off with easy answers. It makes me look paranoid, insecure, crazy, or doubtful to address them and it’s made me cry simply because I have no words for this discomfort I feel. But for the first time in a long time I’m not crying out of pity for myself but because I understand, I see, and I repent. I’m thinking through the motives behind my choices rather than simply the choices themselves and I have things to fix. I think too much? Yeah, I know.

Today I busted out my DSLR again and decided to take photos. It wasn’t a huge photo taking day perse and neither am I such an expert but it was nice to do something different for a change. I haven’t gotten my photos taken with a nice camera in a while too- I’ve noticed I’m not SO old but I have aged. Just something about my face, something in the eyes. I also forgot how entertaining it was to edit photos and mess with technology. I have all the goodies Adobe Photoshop, Premiere… I like documentation, record-keeping, writing, taking photos. Here are some of my favourites:

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This song seems appropriate for how I feel this week. It’s one of my favourite songs by Argentinian band Babasónicos. Actually, the first song by them I ever heard. I was maybe 16 or 17 years old and I was attracted by the siren like vocals of the lead singer, the sadness and soft desperation of the melody that so echoes the wrinkled corners of my heart and my broken mind. It’s the sinful nature of my heart that gets attracted to this stuff, I guess, like the toxicity whispered into my lungs when I smoke knowing it’s no good for me. Today I just want to indulge in this because alone in my room it feels okay.

For hope? This song takes the cake. It’s by Fernando Delgadillo- a gem of a Mexican singer and songwriter and definitely GOLD. The first time I heard his song was on the radio in an OXXO in Puebla when I was out with my uncle buying some candy and visiting my aunt. I forget what the song was, but I asked my uncle Gerardo for the name of the artist and took a note. After I left Mexico, I looked up his songs and I was blown away. Every word was wisdom in a way that brought me closer to God and I actually suspect that a lot of his songs are Christian like Libro de los Dias. The bit below is ace:

“Mi existencia el pescador
que a diario le tendió a la vida,
sus resplandecientes redes de ultramar.
Donde arde el astro poeta
que se ilumina a si mismo
y viaja y sueña en su eterna senda solar.
Lugar de brisa, oleaje y días añiles
que siempre estaban conduciendo a ti.
Que siempre fueron signos invisibles
cursos intrazables a través de mi.”
-Entre Pairos y Derivas,
Fernando Delgadillo

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