Behold for the weirdest post yet! Not many people know this about me but I am into a lot of weird things: astrology, divination, tarot cards, esoteric arts, etc. Ever since I was a little girl, I was attracted to stories of gypsies, sirens with magic amulets and the old lady who would reveal herself a messenger at the end of your journey. My religion calls all this the work of the devil and why shouldn’t they? Of course we should always trust in our deity and stay away from dark arts we cannot even fathom nor comprehend as human beings. Either that or it’s all BS anyway. I can see what they mean and I can entertain it being bull but I also do not rule out the strange mysteries they can reveal to us about the workings of our lives. They are just stories after all, whether we believe in them or not is up to us.
I got my first deck of tarot cards from a family member. They saw it as a joke and knew I liked this stuff so they found it for me at a yard sale when I was maybe 14 or 15 years old. Immediately I began to read old books and websites about the meanings of the pictures, the numbers, their combinations, their reversals. I took it upon myself to be my own little sorceress when I needed answers. Much before this, I was an even stranger child. At the age of 8, I remember sitting at home alone and looking for signs around me to reveal a message to me. Even walking home from school I would pass a poster, a cat, or a person who’d tell me a short story (maybe the clerk at the corner shop) and I’d try to put the clues together like a detective and figure out the message of the day. Having a background in religion at that age, I’d also pray and ask ‘What is it you want to show me?’
Growing up I kind of lost this ‘third eye’ of mine. The world became noisy and I had to grow up. My thoughts were not real nor tangible and at best they would receive little giggles and judging looks from my friends and family. When I discovered what I could do with a library card, I would spend hours in the library by myself looking up books way above my reading level on witchcraft and religions of the world trying to find the common thread and the answer to the question- why do humans, everywhere, have this sense of spirituality? I also would find silly children’s books on how to write spells. Always having been interested in the written word, I took as a poetry challenge. Spells to make me feel better, spells to make sure my friend did well on her test, etc. I did wonder even back then, at their core, are they not like prayers? Good words we wish upon others and ourselves to guide our thinking to a positive place?
When I became a teenager, I began to study other things like the I Ching. I was mesmerized by the allegories in The Book of Changes that talked about every aspect of life, power balances and imbalances, and the right path. When I began to delve into the practices of my own heritage, Mongolian and Mexican, I began to take the whole endeavor of mysticism and divination with much more academic vigour. I realized that in Mexico, long before the conquistadors and the Catholics came to convert the natives, we have our own shamans. Curanderas, brujas. In Mongolia, we are famous for our shamans too. Then I got super interested in the Kabbalistic tree of life, numerology, chakras, and how they tie into Mongolian cosmology and numerology. It’s fascinating and ironically they tell us more about us as humans than they do about the sun, stars, and the moon.
Nowadays I have other things to keep me preoccupied such as work, relationships, thoughts of career, family, and the personal development of the more tangible aspects of my health. My life as a Believer has also been taking on more importance through more regular prayers and contemplation of scripture along with Christian and Islamic literature. I’d rather keep it that way but to be frank I also do not see myself burying my primordial interest in the esoteric. Obviously, to constantly believe in these things as if my life depended on it is the stuff of fools and that is absolutely not what I am about. When it comes to this, I am about being an observer who wants to understand, then accept and reject based on the evidence. There is always room for questions and if the answer does not align then we have the God given right to reject.
Unfortunately, only the lost, confused, or those looking to make quick money seem to engage in these things giving everyone interested in this a bad name so I am careful not to share this with everyone I meet lest they think I’m a weirdo (I’m kind of a weirdo) or lest I attract very dangerous weirdos. Still I think it’s important to understand that evil finds its own way regardless. The devil doesn’t need cards or philosophy to mess with lives. It can do so by using your own family against you. Knowledge of anything then becomes inconsequential. Conversely, I don’t think God is so small that He wouldn’t give us the tools to defend ourselves against any kind of threat. We have to meet Him halfway the way we’ve had to throughout all of scripture. Show up, pray, and love thy neighbor by fighting all your inner arrogance, conceitedness, and spitefulness. Everything else, it seems, is just games that lead us to understand exactly this.